folder 18: February 1856

I am going to try and lay aside- all my shrinking pride and false delicacy and express to you my true and real thoughts about this same little girl - I would have asked you for her and been very thoughtful [for?] her when Lindy left but for an few things I will remind you of - long a go you promised me Clementine & her Children - and the others each [de?] servants - from time to time you have spoken in a way that has kept the belief in my mind that you ment to keep these promises to us - Now my dear Mother I never have wished on expected you to [d?] yourself of of any of this [Jamely?] - & I would not accept the Clementine if it was to take her from you even for a month for your comfort is before all other things - but I must confess I was both surprised and pained when I heard from you that you intented Bell for Georgia- Now G- has never as I know of had any particular parciality for this famely and they are dearer to me than any other servants can ever be - I have always [?] your promise [looked?] on them as in a measure my own - and this was the reason why I did not ask you for Bell - & this is the reason why I now send her back to you for if you intend to give her to G- the quicker- I [n?gre] all claim to or wish for her- the better it will be - I have never thought or wished that you should give me now these servants but I thought that after promising them to me

you would not give them to anyone of the rest - It is very painful for me to write my thoughts on this subject - but my dear Mother I am your child as much as any of teh rest & God knows non love you more dearly - & I know as well as you do that you are at liberty to do as you choos with these servants or do I wish you to do any thing you do not like - but I thought I would tell you what I thought truth is always best- it has cost me a struggle - and I hope my beloved Mother you will not missunderstand me- Oh do not - If I have missunderstood you and you did not [me?d] what you said as serious - pardon me for having done so - but enough - I entreat you my own Mother not to be disspleased with me for sending Bell home - I have done what I think my duty first to myself then to my children - believ me there are no circumstances - however poor that I wish Gods help will not try and get on in - and they all must learn to do with less- There has been no hooping cough that I know of in this part of the city so I hope she will go [f?] as I have kept her very [canpelly?] from any house or place except just where I know was saf-

Now let me [?] a new breath [ant?] try and thank you half as much as I feel for all the [?oth?] you have [?all ?] and sent to me - Oh it is such a relief to me & I suffer so much when I sew - Oh Mother I do feel your kindness deeply and thank you from my heart I send as you tell me more work - there is plenty to do - but if you are in a hurry for any of your own work let mine stand - I am very anxious to have some shirts for Kind &pants for [Tillee?] - but the pants are not yet [pinned?] - and I cannot get a good pattern for Kings shorters - as soon as I do I will send some for C- to make - The [boders?] for Annas pants are first to be hemed and there [?] out they are to be as you will see by the [pins?]

5 [26 feb 1856]

much larger than the old ones- I told a stupid clerk at [?]- to send me neadles & diferent kinds of thread- he has sent me no neadles & not the right kinds of thread - but I cant now get the neadles and have to send the thread he sends- I will bring a good [suppy? and? return?] all yours - Oh how I do want to see [?] you - I also send you my callico dress do have it washed &my collars- Oh I hate to wash and iron - and cant affoard to pay $1- a [?] for collars being washed - & I have got your [?] [?] for Floyd- I got them of undressed linnen - just such as [John Fraser?] has in his shirts - 2 at 62 1/2^cts 2- at 75- 3 at 87 1/2- 3 at $1- I hope you will like them - your [crep tourling?] is 12 1/2 a yard - it is the kind I have always [?red]- it is stronger than any other - the [Flanel?] is 25- a yd- and I thought was very good - the draper was 50 - but as it was not quite as wide though finer than I always get he let me have it for you at 44^cts as [Flora?] or Georgia said you did not want black buttons for dear Bs best- Not knowing the colours of the vest I have not been able to get them for you- I went to our place and priced fluid lamps for you those like your smallest tin ones are 25 a peice [?] dear Bs - 3731 ^cts each- larger ones 37- large tin 50- each as cousin a had all glass with two burners $1-25 a pair- a large one for a [centertable?] $5- small glass ones - 25 each- I will go to the two other places and

price them and let you know - do call on me dear Mother- it gives me so much happiness so much true plasure to do any thing I can for you - I [showed] William what you said about the oil he says that that is the [?ch?strase?] price that all the grocers have been selling at- you know we thought that we could do better at other places well William in filling orders has gone all round and says they are all as high and often poor goods - so we have to [?] and do as we can-

I had my darling sisters do spend the day or rather dine here with me today- I looked round on dear Lord and the three [?] girls and as dear little pet Georgia said it looked like Hamilton but your beloved face was wanting my own darling Mother and my precious B & the other dearly loved ours- not to speak of my [ever?] priceless precious Father - so it did not quite look like Hamilton - Oh Mother my heart is so full of boundless love for each and every one of you Oh how I shall long for these [pups?] at my dear sisters - our lovely gentle good [? Geo?]- our darling bright noble Flora- & Appy dear doubly dearly loved in her many endearing qualitys and her frail health oh may our Heavenly Father in his Mercy long love our band unbroken - you my fearless Mother and My incomporable Father as the clasp & us [? ?]- with my dear dear husband and [f?] little ones as the ring - Oh may we be more but never less - while

I [love?] - [?] a selfish wish - but oh Mother may God pity me &never take any of you from me

My dear Cousin is not well - I gave her your letter - Mr Toolley is suffering from Boils - on his face and neck - Oh I do long to have a good long [?] to sit and talk to you - to look at you to hear you talk - I am not demonstrative but I do think, that I shall dance with joy when I once again hold you in my enbrace-

Anna and [Willie?] are getting on very pleasantly with their school - and I think if they keep well will be much improved- They all long to see you- I felt half willing to send Comey and Johney [with?] the Girls- but think that if they are to be [?ch] they had best be here with their dear [?ed] Father - Cousin Annanda sends you thousands of love - her eyes she says are so very dim that she can hardly write atall she says she longs to see you - Now comes the grand entreaty of all - Please come on here Cousan A says she emploars you to come we are very near each other - she has a nice large comfortable room - you can [be? all ?] guest just [between?] us oh do come - when you get the girls comfortable do come pleas I will write you by every mail if possible now good night - May God forever bless you my ever beloved Mother - May he guard you from every pain &sorrow- Kiss my dear brothers for