Diary_1804-1807_part_one

much less alone than I have been in the crowded rooms, & constant succession of visitants I had in the city. My husband, my children, my [deletion] family, prevent my ever feeling alone, & afford me the pleasures of a conversation [animated?] by affection & enliven'd by [recurence?] to the past & plans for the future; if [deleted]ideas?[deleted] more intellectual intercourse is wished for, a good library supplies an inexhaustible fund. - Add to these [social?] pleasures, all that domestic & rural occupation afford, I think my time so far from being a burden, will pass quickly & agreeably away. - How much more pleasantly have I passed thus, than last Sunday, I had then [deleted]inst[deleted] just arranged my family affairs, dressed myself & seated at a stand, tried to write a letter, but from 12 oclock until near four, I could not get 6 lines written without being interrupted by the entrance of persons I cared nothing about, in the evening it was the same, & I went to bed after passing as [?] a day unenjoyed & unimproved. To day after breakfast, I washed & dressed my children then dismissed them to play; I shut myself up, with Petrarch & Johnson, I have spent the morning in a [retrospect?] of [my?] time since I left this place in autumn, to the present moment, & in fortifying my good resolutions for the ensuing season by some of the excellent papers of the Rambler. - I expect to have no female companion this summer, this will not only leave me more leisure, but more liberty.

to spend it as I think best. I have better to avoided being left to such entire solitude, but perhaps I shall find it for the best & it is now my firm resolution to try more [faithfull?] to discharge all my duties, & better to improve my time than I have [?] ever done. The reflections of this morning, will I hope extend their benign influence over many, many months to come! - How many duties have I neglected this last winter, how has my time run to waste! Alass the tears I have this morning shed over the loss of so many months, will not obliterate my faults, but may nourish the good intentions for the future. Most sincerely have I prayed to my heavenly Father for his aid. - During the winter I have par-ticularly to reproach myself for having neglected the duties of charity & most particularly of three unfortunate families. The widow, not only bereft of her husband, but of her property, I ought to have consoled & supported, & I should have instructed the children of the other families & if possible have assisted them. - I cannot think of these neglected objects of charity, without bitterly reproaching myself for that indolence which was the cause of this neglect.

Alass to have many vices does indolence lead, it is the source from whence all my errors flow.For God has given me neither a bad heart or a a weak head, & yet I commit faults which are incident to both. - Oh my creator, make

D4342 Diary 1804-1807, Part One

me not only grateful for the talents thou hast commited to my charge, but enable me to use them so as to benefit others, bless myself & glorify thee,-- Wherever I am placed, I find myself blest beyond those who surround me; shall I know this & not stop love thee, who hast thus covered me with thy loving kindness & shall I love Thee without trying to express my love? & how can I express it, but by imparting to others, of those good things thou hast given me; but by improving the talents commited to my charge. Oh my Creator, enable me so to do, that one day I may recieved that blest award "Come then faithful servant, thou hast been [??ful] of thy few talents, come & I will make the master over many. -- I have several poor neighbours, & among them one poor family in which are 5 helpless & ignorant children; may I be enabled to do for them all that my heart now [??]

1806

Sidney May 25 Sunday.

with all our boast of intellect & the superiority of our nature to that of other animals what a [merely?] physical being is man! The temperature of the air, the nature of his food, a due proportion of meat, of exercise, of sleep, all are incidents which affect not only his body but his mind, & the health & [vigour?] of the one is not more [deleted]affected[deleted] dependant on them, than the activity & cheerfulness of his mind. Is there no way of making the mind more independant of the body, no way of securing a perpetual sunshine of soul or at least of raising it above the influence of merely physical causes. Why when the circumstances of life remain the same, should the changing of the wind, or the passing of a cloud have the power in one moment, of [casting?] a gloom over the mind that was in the enjoyment of animation & joy to this general, or am I [pecularly?] subject to these [sensations?]? Oh how delightful that temperature of mind I now enjoy, such content-edness, cheerfulness, tranquility, self-complacency, such animation & activity of mind, such a willingness to perform every duty. Why oh why cannot I feel always thus & not be subject to such sad [?]. There was a time when [Sunday?] was the most [welcome?] day of the week to me, when I [?] dreaded its arrival & it is not

many years since those impressions which [?] [?] in my children, have been surmounted. I was always obliged to go to church twice a day, & during the interval between [?] worship, was obliged to learn my [hyms?] & catechism, to read the bible; never to play, not even to walk out or [?] at the street door - How I rejoiced when the terrible day was over, for not only the confine ment but still more the Catechism was a terrible thing to me. I did not understand a word of [all?] I took not pains to commit to memory & I now never meet with any part of the Westminster Catechism. That it does not [create?] the most painful recollections; as for the scriptures, I took quite a disgust to them & after I was grown up when I [?] voluntarily to study them, I found it almost impossible to understand them, so accustomed was I from the time of infancy to hear or read [deleted]them[deleted] without understanding them, & I do not reccollect until I was 17 or 18 ever reading them with advantage. It is my desire my dear children to avoid in your education every thing I think eroneous in mine, & there is nothing I wish more fervently, than to make the acquisition of knowledge, [deletion] & the practice of virtue delightful to you. At present Sunday is to you, the pleasantest day of all the week. - In the morning you are dressed with more than ordinary care, you are sent after breakfast to visit on your neighbour Mrs Bolt, or to