Walters Ms. W.13, Synonyms of Isidore of Seville

Return, I beg you, tears, be moved you fountains of tears, sprinkle me with weeping, flow over my face, moisten my jaws, water my cheeks, give me bitter lamentation. For among all, I have fallen more gravely, among all, I have fallen worse, by my crime I have surpassed the penalties of all the wicked, the tortures of the underworld barely suffice for my evils. There is no sin above my sin, there is no iniquity above my iniquity, I weigh myself as more wicked than all sinners, in comparison to me no one is unjust, I justly pay the penalties of due unhappiness, I am justly crushed by such great punishments, from my sin all evils have come upon me, God justly inflicts these things upon me, by just judgement

a suitable change is given to my sins, yet less is recompensed to me than I have offended, a lesser change is paid back for my sins, in my blows a more grievous fault is found, lighter is the penalty of my damnation than my sin, graver is what I have committed, lighter is what I endure, graver is the guilt I have done, lesser is the punishment I bear. I weigh the evil that I have committed, and it is not as much as I suffer, my wound is lighter than the weight of my sins. It is completely different, different, what afflicts me more, what makes me more saddened, what disturbs me more, what terrifies me more, to which no similar evil is, to which every penalty is incomparable, which is preferred to all punishments, which

surpasses all torments, that exceeds all evils. REASON: Alas, soul! What is it that you fear greatly? What is it that gripes you more? What is it that drives you more to sadness? What do you fear more? What do you dread more? What do you fear more? MAN: I fear the day of judgement, I fear the day of darkness, the bitter day, the harsh day, I indeed weigh the evil that I endure, but I fear more what remains. I mourn what I already suffer in this life, but I fear after this I may suffer worse things. Though I may already endure the sentence in punishment, I dread the torments of hell due to guilt, the present punishment already tears me, but the future one disturbs me more,

What I endure are severe, I fear more severe things in perpetuity, indeed I grieve for the present punishments but I sigh more for the future ones. Help me, my God, before I die before death overtakes me, before the underworld seizes me, before the flame burns me, before darkness wraps me. Come to my aid before I hasten to the torments, before I am devoured by hell's fires, before I am tortured without end. For I am a defendant, terrified by the fear of your judgement, I dread your wrath from the fear of sin, frightened at your examination due to the enormity of crime, I fear within my conscience. For if the just shall scarcely be saved, where will I, the wicked, be? What will I do, while the fear of the dreadful judgement comes? When the examination of judgement comes, what

will I answer? What will I say, when I have been presented before the tribunal of Christ? Woe to that day, when I sinned! Woe to that day, when I transgressed! Woe to that day, when I experienced evil! Would that it had not shone on me! Would that it had not risen over me! Would that it had not appeared over me! Oh detestable day! Oh abominable day! Oh day entirely not to be spoken of! which brought me into this world, which opened the gates of birth to me, which unsealed the doors of my birth. Let that day turn from light to darkness, let profound darkness confound it, let eternal blindness overwhelm it, let it lose its place in time, let all memory of it be extinguished, let it be remembered in no worthy ages. It would have been better for me